When Hashem was ready to create man on the sixth day of creation He used a very unusual wording. Hashem said to the Malachim “נַֽעֲשֶׂ֥ה אָדָ֛ם בְּצַלְמֵ֖נוּ כִּדְמוּתֵ֑נוּ” “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.” This seems to imply that Hashem is asking the malachim for their permission or help in creating man. The question is, since obviously Hashem did not need permission or any help to create man, what is the true meaning of the invitation Hashem extended to the malachim before creating man? Rashi explains that Hashem did this to teach us proper derech eretz and middos that even a great person should take reshus, or consult, with the other people around him. Hashem was acting with humility and sensitivity. Even though He did not need the malachim and they would take no part in the creation, He nevertheless included them.
The Medrash says that when Moshe came to write this pasuk in the Torah he said to Hashem “How can You write this? It seems as if there are two creators of the world, and this will give an opening for those who want to deny Hashem”. Hashem responded “Those who want to be mistaken will be mistaken. It is more important that people learn proper middos and derech eretz from here that the greater person should ask reshus from other people”. We learn an amazing lesson of the importance of derech eretz from this. At the very moment that Hashem was about to complete the pinnacle of His creation He made a point of turning to the malachim and including them in what He was about to do. Even though the malachim couldn’t possibly have anything to add or have any ability compared to Hashem, He consulted with them and asked them for permission. Hashem is showing us an extraordinary level of humility and sensitivity, as well as the importance of always using proper middos no matter the circumstances.
Furthermore, we see that Hashem wants us to learn from this. Hashem could have written the Torah in one of two ways. He could have written the creation without the part about Him consulting the Malachim and there would be no question about the oneness of Hashem, though this would omit the lesson about derech eretz. Or he could have written it with the part where he consulted the Malachim before creating man, leaving the door open for people to question the oneness of Hashem, but with the lesson about the derech eretz. Hashem opted for the latter to teach us this lesson of the importance of proper middos and derech eretz, even if it could cause some people to question Hashem.
The Alter of Slabodka explains from here why it is that derech eretz and middos are so fundamental to being a proper human being and keeping the Torah. He explains that Hashem at the very outset of the Torah and of the creation of the world made a point of emphasizing the importance of proper middos. He, so to speak, built it into the creation. By using proper middos and asking permission from the Malachim at this moment right before the creation of man Hashem was imparting this ideal into the composition of the human being. This was done before a single mitzvah was commanded and centuries before the Torah was given to teach us that proper middos are a fundamental aspect of creation and of serving Hashem. As we have mentioned previously, the only way we have to relate to and understand Hashem is through His middos. It is only through delving into and emulating Hashem’s middos that we can begin to understand Hashem and keep the Torah. Therefore developing proper middos comes before keeping the Torah and is necessary in everything we do.
We see this idea emphasized in many places throughout the Torah. The Mishnah in Peirkie Avot as explained by Rabenu Yona says remember three things and you will never come to sin. Remember where you came from so you will be humble. Remember where you are going so you will not desire material pleasure. And remember before whom you must answer at the end of your life so you will have fear of heaven. It seems that you need each of these three things to avoid sinning. Rav Henoch Leibowitz asks why isn’t fear of heaven enough? Why do we need to think about where we are going so we will not desire things and where we came from to be humble to avoid sinning? Can’t we just maximize our Yiras Shamayim, fear of heaven and punishment and that will keep us from sinning? The Rosh haYeshiva explains that the mishna is teaching us that only through developing proper middos like humility and being happy with what we have will we be able to keep the mitzvot properly and avoid sinning. No matter how much fear of heaven we have we will still lose to the yetzer hara if we don’t develop proper middos as well. Middos and character development aren’t just nice add on to keeping the Torah. They are a prerequisite.
What we learn from this is a deeper understanding of the medrash that says דרך ארץ קדמה לתורה “Derech Eretz comes before Torah”. We see that Hashem’s number one concern is that we have proper middos and that this comes before spiritual growth in other areas. We also see that middos are an integral aspect of the human being and that Hashem made us in His image with His middos and with the intent that we work to perfect them to the best of our ability. Lastly, we see that one cannot keep the Torah and serve Hashem properly without perfecting one’s middos. Hashem instructed us on having proper middos before we were created and before a single mitzvah was given to teach us that it is necessary to perfect our middos before we can keep the mitzvot.
As an addendum, a good practical application of emulating the midda of humility Hashem displayed is when it comes to dealing with children. The parent-child relationship maybe the closest we can come to in comparison to Hashem and the Malachim. As a parent or adult dealing with children we find ourselves in a position with a lot of power. It is very easy to abuse this power and use it to take unnecessary control and disregard the feelings of the child. It is very import to remember the actions of Hashem in this situation. Hashem used His humility and sensitivity in dealing with the Malachim. Even though He knew they had nothing to add to the process, He included them in the creation. He treated them as equals and gave them a voice. So too with children, we may hold all the cards but it is still necessary to treat them with respect and speak to them properly.