We are all aware of the importance of acting with derech eretz. But what does that look like practically? How does the Mitzvah of derech eretz factor into all the other MItzvot that we are commanded to perform? There is alot going on in our busy lives. What role should derech eretz play and how far do we have to go to act with derech Eretz?
In Parshas Noach we learn that after the flood had ended and the water receded, Noach remained in the ark. The pasuk even says that Noach knew that the water had receded and that it was safe to leave but he still did not venture out of the ark. It wasn’t until Hashem specifically told him to leave the Ark that he and his family finally disembarked. At this point Noach had been in the ark for over a year. We know that his time in the ark was filled with grueling work tending to the animals. So what was stopping him from leaving the ark? He knew Hashem didn’t plan for him to live there forever and he was enduring such difficult conditions. Why didn’t he leave the ark when it was safe?
The Medrash explains that Noach’s reasoning for not leaving the ark was that since Hashem was the one who invited him into the ark it would be a breach of derech eretz to leave the ark before Hashem said he could leave. Even though he knew what Hashem’s intentions were and he was suffering terribly, he still felt it was not proper to act without derech eretz and leave the ark without permission. We see from here the tremendous importance of acting with derech eretz even in very difficult situations. Noach could have easily rationalized leaving the ark early, after all he was not violating any commandment of Hashem and had already spent the past 120 years of his life dedicated to the word of Hashem. Nevertheless, he felt a deep commitment to upholding the mitzvah of derech eretz. This commitment Noach showed teaches us that derech eretz is not something we should try to do when we can fit it into our schedule or when it is convenient. Rather it is just as important as any other aspect of the Torah. When we are presented with a situation and need to determine the proper course of action we see from here that keeping proper derech eretz should weigh very heavily in our thinking.
We can take this one step further. One might argue that this may only be appropriate when dealing with a directive from Hashem. Is the breach of derech eretz more serious when Hashem is involved, but when dealing with other people we don’t need to be so concerned?
No, this is not the case. Even more astonishingly, we find the same behavior from Chananiah, Mishael and Azaryah when they were thrown into a fiery furnace. The pasuk in Sefer Daniel relates how after Chananiah, Mishael and Azaryah refused to worship idols, Nebuchadnezzar had them thrown into a fiery furnace. Hashem performed a miracle and they were unharmed. After Nevachadnezzar realized that they were just walking around in the fire unharmed he walked over to see for himself and told them to come out. Chazal point out that it seems that they could have walked out of the fire sooner but had chosen not to. Rather, it was only after Nebuchadnezzar told them to leave that they exited the furnace. Granted that they knew Hashem would save them and they were not in mortal danger, but one is not supposed to rely on a miracle. So why did they stay in the fire? How did they know this was the proper course of action?
The Medrash goes on to explain that Chananiah, Mishael and Azaryah learned from Noach what the proper course of action was. They reasoned that since Noach was invited into the ark by Hashem and did not exit until he was asked to leave, so too, they should not leave the furnace until invited to do so by Nebuchadnezzar. That means that they understood the imperative to act with derech eretz to apply in all situations no matter who one is dealing with. There is never a time or a place where we should not do our utmost to act with derech eretz. And that there is no person that is not deserving of our utmost respect. The lesson is mind boggling. If it is proper to show respect and act with derech eretz towards someone who literally just tried to kill you, how much more so does this apply to a person one merely disagrees with. Even if we think they are acting in an unacceptable manner, the rules of the Torah which include derech eretz are not suspended. If Chananiah, Mishael and Azaryah were willing to risk their lives to show respect to one of the most wicked people to ever live, surely there is no person we will ever meet who we should not treat with derech eretz.
What we see from these examples and countless others throughout the Torah is that acting with derech eretz is an essential aspect of the Torah and serving Hashem. This idea can often be missed since all the different aspects of derech eretz are not clearly delineated in the Torah the way other mitzvot are. Nevertheless, we see that they are no less important from the great lengths the Avos and Tzaddikim went to in order to act with proper derech eretz.